I get this, I do. I do think it can be a chicken and egg scenario though. I FELT like my now spouse and I were meant to be, which encouraged me to work at it, which for previous relationships, I would have given up earlier. I personally am only going to want to put the work in if I care for someone, so that had to be established. When things get tough, this (possibly delusional) mindset can work to keep me working. This same thinking didn’t pay off for me in marriage (putting in more work than my partner), but that’s not an issue now. Keeping aware of that is important, but keeping some of that romantic thinking alive can help us remember that our partners aren’t assholes 24/7. Maybe just went they can’t get to the gym as regularly.