I think the difference is it’s an individual choice vs. an external expectation. You’re expecting your girlfriend to change in specific ways, and she doesn’t want to vs. her desiring to change on her own. Look, my husband isn’t perfect. There are plenty of things I’d love to change about him, but he’s going to do whatever he wants to do. I can either love and accept him where he is, or I can leave him. I wanted my ex-husband to change and wasn’t willing to accept that he wasn’t willing, nor did I leave until it was much too late. I think you need to make decision to accept her or leave her. Just work on you in the meantime.