Thank you so much for sharing! I too have identified with a lot of what you’ve written. Can I just say you’re like my spirit animal? I mean, is that weird? (probably) But, yes! Infertility is scary as shit. And while any diagnosis is not a guarantee of trouble, it’s scary even IMAGINING it’ll be hard because it’s so intimate and so connected to a sense of shame.
The great thing is that you have some choices today. You could stay child-free. You could raise a kid on your own. You could see if a partner will arrive.
My twins bring a lot of joy into my life and have made me both a softer and a stronger person, but they didn’t complete me. They aren’t how I define success today. I just do feel more fueled to do what makes me happy because I want to LIVE that for them today. That’s a real gift.
And I don’t know. I’ve been through a lot of shit and I made it out. I like myself today. I’m pretty awesome. I think you are too.